Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you?

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room; well I'm here with you...

Someone has yet to explain this to me...

You know how depending on where you're from, people have different ways of describing the process universally recognized as "courting" (as far as I know, this is acceptable everywhere). In Canada, we have various names that range from "going out" to "dating" to "seeing" to "going with" (if you happen to live in Donnie Darko-ville)... I mean, "going out" and "dating" are somewhat synonymous because I think "going out" is just the shortened form of "going out on dates with..." if I'm not mistaken (the probability of that being the case are, as usual, probably less than negligible).

In Singapore, it has been brought to my attention that "attached" is the choice of phrase. As in, every person I've seen thus far has asked "are you attached?" which = "are you dating someone?" Fair enough.

But semantically, I have trouble with one thing.

We say "Are you going out with someone?" and "Dave and Sarah are going out." Now, if I want to pose the question, the phrase that I use is a derivative of the term "going out" right?

"Are you going out with someone?"
"Dave and Sarah are going out."
"Will you go out with me?"

or

"Are you dating someone?"
"Dave and Sarah are dating."
"Will you go out on a date with me?"

Right?

So...

"Are you attached?" (Fair enough question)
"Dave and Sarah are attached." (A little odd but it might simply be a phrase I'm not used to hearing)
"Will you..."

Wait...?

"Will you... attach yourself to me?"

That doesn't seem right. It probably isn't. Now, no one has explained to me how I'm supposed to go about asking a girl out on a date if I want to. I can't seem to derive an appropriate question using "attach" as my root. In Canada, we have a similar problem with term "seeing."

"Are you seeing someone?"
"Dave and Sarah are seeing each other."
"Will you... either 'see me' or 'be seen with me'?"

The term "seeing someone" seems to run into a similar semantic conundrum. I must say though, that if I had to choose between "Will you be seen with me?" and "Will you attach yourself to me?" The latter question still ranks higher on the awkward scale. At any rate, this is never a problem in Canada because we have so many choices. You don't need the first person proposal of "seeing" because you can always use something else instead (something ambiguous like "Would you like to go for a coffee sometime?" whatever the hell THAT is supposed to mean).

In Singapore everyone has explained to me that when someone asks me if I'm attached, it means they're asking me if I'm dating someone. Granting that I'm not, though, no one has informed me of the proper verbal protocol for rectifying this.

By the way, in Singapore, going out to dinner does not = going out on a date. You know how our conversations go something like, "Hey, how are you?" "Not to bad, you?" etc... cue silly small talk that shaves a few months off my life every time I have to engage in it? Well, in Singapore, it goes something like this:

"Hey!"
"Hi! Have you eaten?"

Without question, this is proper protocol. Singaporeans like to eat. It is customary (I've discovered) to ask people if they've eaten within 5 seconds of greeting them. And if they haven't, the next line is: "Let's go eat!" If this line happens to coincide with dinner, there's your dinner date. Except it's not a date. It's just dinner. Which can be nice if you're hungry and have absolutely 0 romantic interest in someone, but aren't exactly favorable dating conditions.

On the other hand, when the cutest girls in Singapore are either related to you or mormons who are halfway out the door on their way to Utah, it's not as if situations readily present themselves.

My principal has promised to find me a "lunch buddy" among the staff so I won't have to eat alone. I'm not really as big of a loser as this makes me sound (though I am a pretty big loser). It's just that in Singapore, you have a different schedule every day, like elementary school, and there's no designated lunch time for staff. Basically, you just eat whenever there's time in your schedule. So it's not like I'm eating alone during a mass lunch period or anything. But most people manage to arrange their lunchtimes with their friends. Having none... I'm being assigned one!

A total of 12 weeks of practicum in Canada and not once had I ever met the principal. Day 1 of prac in Singapore, the principal greets me in person and invites me to join her for lunch.

Every time I'm here, the question always crops up: would I ever consider teaching in Singapore? I have no idea anymore. Well at least, of course, I would consider teaching Singapore. Would I ever end up doing it? I guess part of that question will be answered in the upcoming week (after all, I'd have to be ok teaching in the schools here; probably an important point). But more importantly, would I be ok living here. That depends on a lot of factors.

I have no idea - absolutely no idea - why everyone, including my parents (of all people!) seem to assume that I will definitely meet friends here that I will grow close to. If I've proved anything in my 4 years of university - haven't I proven, beyond reasonable doubt, that this is not a granted assumption? It goes something like this:

"I have a fairly consistent need to be around people."
"Don't worry, you're sure to meet new friends."
"How on earth can you know that?"
"Trust me, you will."

Right, let's just throw the whole Asperger's Syndrome thing out the window. And I mean, I'm not hiding behind AS to avoid meeting people. I'm just stating it as fact: I behave weirdly around new people. My weird behaviors tend not to come off as particularly inviting. When I try to fake it, I sound hollow. That's the term I've settled on to describe what it's like when I try to mingle with unfamiliar people. I sound hollow.

So like any realistic person, I tend to arrive at this conclusion: just teach in Canada. Problem solved (for the most part). It's not like I bring up the idea of teaching abroad every time someone asks me about where I see myself in the future. On the contrary, when people ask me what I want to do, I usually say "I'd actually be fairly happy just teaching in York Region for awhile". But of course, you can't go to Singapore, with its oodles of family members, without invariably being demanded upon to migrate here. On the one hand, it's nice to know that I am wanted (I assume this fits in somewhere the general "you should stay here and teach" theme). On the other hand, explaining the whole "I need meaningful social connections to survive" thing tends to result in a version of the conversation outlined above.

Of course, there's family in Singapore. That helps. And I'm not pretending it doesn't. The fact that I even consider teaching in Singapore is a tribute to this. At the same time, you can see how that conversation is a bit of a cyclical/self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm fairly confident that, though I love my family, I won't really form the type of bond with them I need. How do I know this? The fact that that is the conversation we always end up having is proof in itself. Ironically, the only people I would probably connect with are the people who understand why it's a problem for me (at which point, it wouldn't be a problem anymore because I've met them). Having family helps insofar as if I don't end up making significant social connections with friends/co-works/etc, I won't feel like ending my life the way I probably would if I were in a country where I didn't know anyone.

All in all, it's not complete fire and brimstone. At the end of the Singaporean day, my second cousin Qiuwei always acts as a sort of trump card to all this. For some reason, she's the one family member I'm actually really close to. But I'm not going to just suck all the time out of her life just because I happen to make a poorly thought-out decision to plant myself in Singapore for 2 years.

And before anyone goes on thinking I'm being all melodramatic about all this, trust me, I've tried this once. Camp Kennybrook, back in 2007, was sorta like a trial run of me throwing myself into a strange new environment and how I would cope with not knowing anyone. I seem to recall that being a disaster. In fact, I'm pretty sure that but for the lucky break of Courtney being in the near vicinity (if you consider the 300 mile trek from Monticello to DC "near"), I might have been QUITE unhappy.

I'd been toying with the idea of getting caller's ID for my phone. I think it's better that I don't. I get OCD about missing calls if I know who called me.

In case you all needed more reasons why girls are important...

I've come to the stark realization that my memory is not what it once used to be. Some could argue that I'm simply reaching maximum capacity (a frightening thought, really, considering I'm ONLY 22 YEARS OLD!), while others have suggested that memories just have a nasty habit of fading after awhile.

And they really do. You know, I was lying in bed this morning and I tried (for some reason) to conjure up the memory of what it was like during my first few weeks at Queen's, back in first year. In the end, I found that I could do it... but just barely. Just barely, without the aid of prompts, blog entries, or emails. I could just barely remember leaning back in my chair, looking out onto Leonard field, with Asif clacking away at his keyboard behind me. Could barely remember going to A&P with Matt Wilson. Thinking of September 2005 as a whole, I can just barely remember the gist of what happened, aside from frosh week. The general feelings that came from that month, I remember just fine, but what actually took place during the month of September... I think I'm starting to lose them.

Now, I figured that's probably pretty normal. But at the same time, it made me think about what will happen to my memory when I'm 30 or 40. Will I forget about what it was LIKE to be 17 and just entering university? And I realized that it's not enough to have feelings or impressions about a particular period in your life because they'll be overrun by newer feelings and newer impressions. The only way anything will ever stay with me is if I have strong feelings or strong impressions about them. I mean, I still have crystal clear pictures of moments associated with Courtney, Rachel Manson, and Jessica. I could give you a play-by-play account of what happened the night I first met Jessica. Of course, that too, may fade with time, but at least it hasn't yet while some other things that happened around that same time have.

Did I mention that I'm only 22? So you know, when I think about teenagers and them saying that adults don't know what it's like to be young, well no freaking wonder.

Interesting result of the 12-hour time difference.

In Canada, before I go to bed, I do "rounds" on facebook, blogger, email, bluejays.com, and espn.com. When I wake up the next morning, absolutely nothing has changed but things gradually happen throughout the day.

In Singapore, nothing happens throughout the day. However, I could very well wake up to an entirely new world every morning.

You know you had a good time at prac when you're killing 5 hours in Hong Kong International Airport and rather than thinking ahead to how awesome Singapore will be, you're thinking about how you're going to miss your music class.

The Interplay Between Music and English, Part 1:
Song Quoting and Coffee Dates

During one of my extra-curricular character development seminars (see: Class Dismissed), I came across a scenario that eventually led to an on-the-spot revelation that I, of course, played off like I knew about all along. So I'm going to blog about it like a story rather than as a direct explication. It works better that way. Ok? Good.

One of my grade 12 students was talking about her future and how she wasn't sure what she wanted to do next year. When I asked her what she's interested in, she said "That's my problem; I'm interested in everything." Well, I replied, I can see how that might be a problem right now considering all the decisions you're going to have to make in the very near future, but I can tell you that that's going to play to your advantage eventually. Better to be interested in everything and have a hard time deciding what you like more, than to be interested in nothing and be faced with a more concerning version of the same dilemma.

The reason why this might actually benefit you in the long run is because I've come to realize that everything is connected and you can link anything with everything else. So no matter what you choose to study, you'll be able to understand your focus at a much deeper level because not only will you know about that subject as an individual discipline, but you'll be able to see it as it relates to all these other things you take an interest in. And I'll give you an example using the two subjects I happened to study in university: English and Music.

As I've said before (this is a reference to the modern history of popular music seminar I ran just two days ago), ever since The Beatles, we've been living in a time where popular music exists (or is supposed to exist) as a perfect blend between music and lyrics. And song lyrics have evolved into a form of expression that speak to some pretty interesting truths about youth and youth culture.

See, my best friend once said something like, "the best lyrics are the ones whose sentiments would frighten us a little bit if it weren't for the fact that they were song lyrics." Right? Like, there's a song by Third Eye Blind - Semi-Charmed Life - that has this line in it that goes, "When I'm with you, I feel like I could die, and that would be alright." Can you imagine if someone said that to you, without the context of knowing that those were lyrics? It's a powerful statement. And I think it's interesting to note that most people actually have a hard time being on the receiving end of statements that are simultaneously honest and powerful. The reason why we don't say these things outside music is NOT because people don't feel them; it's because the people to whom these sentiments are directed rarely know how to respond. Only in music do we allow and revel in these sentiments. And we revel in them because we understand that deep down, we can all relate to them. And since there is no direct recipient of these sentiments when they are played out in songs, there is nothing to stand against the raw expression of these aforementioned sentiments. Again, to tie this back to the breakdown of the traditional music industry and the rise in new ways of selling and marketing artists, once you reduce "reception" as a factor, "expression" is allowed to be more free, honest, and powerful.

In many ways, quoting song lyrics is very similar to the notion of going out to coffee. I don't know if you do it in high school but in university, "going out to coffee" has always been the definitive activity that I think highlights the essence of interpersonal relationships. I always tell people that the reason why "going out to coffee" is such a wonderful - and insane - activity is because it can mean everything or nothing. Say a guy asks a girl out to coffee. To the guy, that coffee could mean everything. It could represent a curiosity in who she is. It could represent deep feelings that he's afraid of expressing overtly. It could represent a stepping stone to asking her out to dinner. Right? But most importantly, none of that would matter if it weren't for the fact that coffee could also mean nothing. You know, like, I go out to coffee with my friends all the time. Right? And when we do it, it's just... coffee. Nothing more. So when a guy asks a girl out to coffee, it could mean the world to him, BUT, in the event that the girl doesn't feel the same way, there's that safety-net option of just seeing it like a casual coffee. In other words, it's a type of expression whose meaning can be altered on the spot, depending on the reception it gets - which is completely different from asking a girl out on a date. Because THEN, he's revealed the meaning BEFORE knowing what the reception will be like.

Does that make sense? Well, quoting song lyrics can sometimes be very similar to coffee in this sense. When you quote a passage to someone, it can mean that you truly feel the same sentiment that those lines convey, OR it could mean that you're just being clever by quoting the right lines in an appropriate context. For example, if during the course of a conversation, a girl asks me, "do you want anything?" and I quote an Iron & Wine song, "I spent an hour with you, should I want anything else?" the precise sentiment I've conveyed is completely obscure until I see her reaction to it. If she laughs it off and doesn't take me seriously, then I can laugh too because hey, isn't it clever that I've quoted a line from 16, Maybe Less - which is what the song is called, by the way - in such an appropriate context? However, if she smiles and blushes, I've just become the sweetest person in the world because the lyrics are simply the vehicle through which I've conveyed an identical sentiment. On top of that, I seem cultured too!

Now, I've just exposed the entire undercurrent of veiled-meaning expressionism to you. But here's the thing. I don't want you to think too hard about how this all works - song lyrics and coffee dates - when you actually find yourselves in these situations. I'm telling you all this because a. it's interesting to know, and b. it's worth having the tools to be reflective about your experiences. But these analyses should be reserved for after-the-fact reflections. Don't try to figure out what the guy or girl is actually trying to say when you inevitably - being bright, cultured, good people - find yourselves in these situations. Because, if I could just quote a line from the film, The Girl Next Door, none of this will matter if you don't know how to just "go with it."

I'm not a fan of this song by Young Money, BUT...

"My room is the G Spot
Call me Mr. Flintstone,
I can make your bedrock"

That's pretty clever. I think.

Blog Carnival day! I didn't have the most impressive month of posting but I think my selection is passable.